YEAHYEAHYEAH

Mrehhhhhhh.

2009-11-07T16:37:27Z

Stop, I want to get off.

Semi-set adrift in your lifted sugar eye

2009-10-24T02:59:17Z

I saw you looking and so did my friend.
I really dig your vest and the slow way you walked around the student gallery.

Step right up, I'm listening.

Meet me... in Montauk.

2009-10-21T16:26:43Z

My Halloween costume is perfect.

DANA EVOLVED INTO... DAVID BOWIE

You, sadder.

2009-10-13T02:47:03Z

ON A SCALE OF 1 - SHITTY, RATE THE FOLLOWING:

School - 7: The question of when I'm going to get around to deciding which (tangible) direction to take my life in has been nipping at the edges of my brain more often than it used to... and a little harder, I might add. It's not like anyone else my age is that much closer to knowing (unless, you know, they DO know) but the classes I'm in now are not exactly propelling me towards any career path, I'm afraid... I'm not sure how much longer, "I just wanna do art" is going to be an acceptable answer.

Relationships - 5: Actually I don't really know how to evaluate this. I've reconciled with one person which has been really great but the other night I unintentionally took a huge dump all over someone else's spirit/heart. Overall, the regular friendships are alive and thriving but the romance factor is dead. You know what it is? I do the same crap and see the same people. That's why I don't meet any-fucking-one. That's going to be changing soon though, thankfully.

Job - 6: Screwed up in front of my boss hundreds of times the other day, I am also somewhat impoverished. Forgot to ask for Halloween off and now I need to pray to the Price Chopper Gods or make some kind of PC headquarters pilgrimage/Neil Golub mecca/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it so I can get that weekend off to party at Wesleyan. GHNUHHG!
.

How could they be liars? They assured my health, life and fire!

2009-09-21T04:41:13Z

I'm a little scared if this is what the next three or four months are going to look like. I feel like I've been staring at the same things in my house and going through the same thought patterns for like, ever.

I want to get my mind off of whatever "this" is.
I want to cut my dumb hair off.

she-bonics.

2009-09-13T02:04:39Z

Be seeing you real soon! ...for better or for worse. Gulp.

Can't stop, won't stop

2009-09-09T00:22:16Z

All my thoughts feel recycled! It's like I'm constipated... I need to find a new book to read, something really weird.

School is getting a little less lame but knowing I'm under a time crunch for things again is screwing up my mojo. I don't have anything that awesome to look forward to so I have to make up little things. Last year I used to go to school and get psyched to see this one guy. I was so fixated on seeing him next class that I could bring on very real stomach aches on cue with just the thought of it. He was great but he's dating his best friend now... I can't hate on either of them though -- dating your best friend is the best love there is afterall.

Do you ever get friend crushes? It's not romantic or anything, it's more like if you see someone and you just know you want to be that person's friend. I had this conversation with one of my best friend recently and we discovered we actually both had one on each other before "officially" meeting. Friendship at first sight? I think sometimes you can just feel out people's good vibes.

Anyway. Time to make this year good. I'm determined not to let anything turn me into a miserable person. Sometimes when I get really fucked up and freaked out I'll start to wonder if I've already lived all the best moments of my life and everything else is just on the downward curve... but it's never true. I can think of at least 3 times where I've genuinely felt that way and some great experiences have followed. Just gotta work it!

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE FUN

2009-09-01T23:14:02Z

I think for once in my life I'm starting to gain some weight. Maybe 3 pounds. I told myself, "that's 3 pounds of muscle!" but probably not... I been gorgin' on bruschetta a long time.

That reminds me of the time my friend nicknamed a girl "douchetta" because she was kind of a douche but a girl. Also, she was a little bit awkward and, since eating bruschetta puts your hand at an awkward position, douchetta she came to be.

ANYWAY. School is good, not great. My friends Meegan and Kris are in a lot of my classes. I guess I just have to come to the realization that I don't have a lot of friends at college because:

A) it's a small school
B) I don't live on campus
C) most of the friends I made last year transferred out of the state
D) the majority of people in my major (because it's artsy-fartsy horseshit) are just down right douches and douchettas!

The War Against Terrorism = T.W.A.T.?

2009-08-27T19:43:48Z

TODAY I had much time on my hands so I woke up (at the crack of noon) and made a shirt.

Here it is and here is me.

This is kind of a shitty picture. Ah well.
NOW I am off to see a movie. 500 Days of Summer. I'm sure there will either be 500 hipsters or 500 old peoples in the theater along with me and Masha.

A seeming reluctance to refer to anything in concrete terms.

2009-08-20T21:53:44Z

Everything I thought would never happen ended up happening! geeeeeeeez!

...pretty sure nobody reads this anymore... and yet, the urge to update lingers...

It's over.

2009-07-31T17:50:04Z

I was driving doing nothing on the shores of Great Salt Lake
When they put it on the air, I put it in the hammer lane
I soon forgot myself and I forgot about the brake
I forgot about all laws and I forgot about the rain
They were talking on the 9 and all across the Amy band
Across the road they were turning around and headed south with me
It got so crowded on the road I started driving in the sand
My head was feeling scared but my heart was feeling free
The desert turned to mud it seems that everybody heard
Everybody was remembering to forget they had the chills
Then I heard the voices on a broadcast from up on the bird
They were getting interviewed by some good man whose name was Bill
I'm almost there to Vegas where they're puttin' on a show
They've come so far, I've lived this long at least I must just go and say hello

Goddamn, I am.

2009-07-15T14:02:43Z

Working on myself.

Megan Whitmarsh gets it.

2009-06-30T05:17:23Z

It's the presence of myself amidst otheres; not being able to escape, the mundane, crushing quality of life. The meaninglessness and despair I feel at these times is fed by people's inane conversation, the sounds of kid's Gameboys and the suitcases full of crap. It just makes everything seem so excessive and useless and depressing. Possibly the reason these outside things get to me is that I realize I am a part of all this too. I am not heroically above it all -- concerned with things of great magnitude. I too am absorbed by and embedded in a bunch of meaningless shit.

"If someone sees you drinking wine and eating caviar, tell them its ginger ale and dirt."

2009-06-25T16:51:53Z

I went on the best bike ride I've ever gone on in my life and it can probably never be recreated... but I'll definitely try. It was bright but windy and raining but sunny. Man. Too bad all that fun was followed up by one of the most depressing/boring get togethers of my life. The details of this are omitted because they are that boring. I'll give you a word bank though:

Sleeping        Adam's Station
Drunk            15 minute game of four square
Pizza              Sitting outside

Actually that all sounds kind of fun but you'll just have to trust me.
I have nothing real to update about.

Sewper Dewper!

2009-06-19T15:57:15Z

David Sedaris came to Crossgates for free a few weeks ago! I find that amazing since his last show was almost $40 I heard. I didn't think so many people from around here were into him but Border's was packed...

He wasn't at all like I expected; he's really short and a lot older than I thought but he's still hilarious to listen to. I was there with two other friends and we were cracking up in line thinking of all the uncomfortable ways we could fuck up in front of him when we went up to get his autograph.

My one friend said that her roommate met Lisa Kudrow because she's on the Board of Trustees at Vassar (where she goes to college) so when Lisa Kudrow gave her roommate an autograph her roommate said to her, "Now we all have a little piece of you to share... with... everyone." and apparently it was a really weird exchange. My friend then told me that I should say the same thing to David Sedaris, eat the autograph in front of him, choke on it, then stop choking and give a creepy smile.

I didn't do that but I should've. In the end I mostly stammered and stood there with a big stupid grin plastered on my face.

Whiskey-stained bucktoothed backwoods creep, grizzly bear motherfucker never goes to sleep

2009-06-01T06:27:32Z

You know how sometimes when people get nervous they don't know what to do with their hands so they fidget or find paper to rip up, etc? Well, it seems to be that when I'm bored I get the same feeling but my whole head wants to just fidget and rip up paper.

I think after long periods of time where I have something to do/some place to be I just feel really disjointed when I'm alone and it all settles down. Being alone is nice and necessary but it also frees up so much time for me to sit and dwell on things I can't control, pick at myself in the mirror, get depressed, etc.

My silly girl, I'm begging you, don't stop being my silly girl.

2009-05-26T08:08:15Z

I am so proud of my mom for this cake.
Nineteen years under my belt already!

I'm living in a coma for Donna de Varona

2009-05-24T21:07:25Z

Ended the year with a 3.42; I can relax a little.
I saw a real live pimp at Denny's the other night.
Made some new art.
Finally saved up some money!
I'm going to call a spade a spade and admit that he wasn't looking for a relationship... but it's ok! He isn't looking for one with anybody.

She don't know whether to shit or wind her wristwatch.

2009-05-12T03:55:41Z

I think I need to stop watching TV -- it always makes me feel dumbed down afterwards.

This summer I'm going to make a plan of things I need to do/see/read and places I've got to go. I've been saying I'm going to set up a place to paint for months now but I need to get some money for some new art supplies.

In 15 days I'll be stepping into my final year of teenager-dom: nineteen, that's right ladies and gentlemen. I feel young and old at the same time when I think about being that age... it seems like a good age to me; more mature than eighteen was hopefully (but probably not)

If I can save all the money I'm getting from working and whatever money I get from my birthday, hopefully I'll have a nice stash put together for all the things i'm hoping ot do. All these creative, exciting endeavors need funds unfortunately. I think it'd be cool to try and make a short movie but I'd have to get a video camera and an actual storyline going first. Really the only thing driving that dream are little vignettes that come to mind while listening to Cibo Matto and Donovan songs... anyway.

The recent lack of any actual creative outlet has left me feeling a little like an unmilked cow. That'll change though.

THERE'S my Chippy... sort of.

2009-05-09T01:11:51Z

I've been having some horrendously fucked up dreams lately... you know when you wake up and your head feels kind of wavy and cloudy like you've got one foot still in the dream? I'm glad to be one of those people who can remember their dreams like regular memories. Here's a look into my rambunctious REM cycle as of late:

One dream had to do with bringing people back from the dead/creating new people. In order to do this, a friend and I had to mix together a concoction of hot, steamy human doo-doo, a marshmallow and an eyeball. We had to put them in that order, pyramid-style, stick it in the fridge and thats how you made a person... there's got to be a message in that somewhere!

Then there was the dream that I was standing on a beach. The year was 1968 and if you stood on the beach and focused really hard on your feelings/thoughts it would trasmit the energy out into the environment and your emotions could interact with the ocean and the trees (yes! trees on a beach... forest trees, at that). At one point a band came along and played this awesome song and it was so good that it created this big halo/tornado out of the sand on the beach.

Next: I'm standing on a dark, smoky city street filled with punks and people who appear to be cooler than me when suddenly I'm overwhelmed with such confidence that I take off my bra, take off my pants and start running down the street in just my underwear and a t-shirt. Every man is looking at me and their girlfriends are jealous. Suddenly I hit a dead end alley with a sign that says "Death St." A blonde guy sitting on the bench behind me tells me I shouldn't go down there and that he is a German nazi. I tell him I don't want to date him and then run in the opposite direction to take a French final exam.

And of course, the trifecta of dreams about a certain "charming beardo". We are dating. We lay down on eachother. We smile and nap together. That is the ultimate kind of dream. To dream that you are sleeping... can you imagine that kind of peace let alone about someone you've been secretly in love with for months now? I can... it's rad.

.....

2009-05-05T04:51:09Z

This is a combination of PeeWee's Christmas, Tim and Eric, the 80s, drag queens and Satan.

WARNING: BE PREPARED.

super_lovers00 @ 2009-04-29T12:29:00

2009-04-29T16:43:15Z

I remember around this time last year things felt so new and good and I'm happy it's still that way.

The only recent shitty thing to happen is that I missed my first final yesterday because the schedule my teacher handed out was so confusing and there's like 60 different times you can take this exam so... whatever. I'm taking it at 6 today. Once this week is over I can actually be let off the LEASH.

"Elvis died of disco fever... is that lame?" "I can't tell."

2009-04-22T00:09:53Z

Just can't stay away from blue.
No matter what work says.

The Meatmen were incredible. One of the best concerts I've been to in a long time.

I've got 14 pages to write in two days. Wish me luck, LJerz.

A Sea Change

2009-04-18T03:15:59Z

The planets must all be aligning this month... I finally have things to look forward to like... actual plans to do things with people! I normally just don't have time. I think spring makes everyone just want to get out and get together with one another.

1. The Meatmen and MC Chris at Valentine's with Heather, Tristan and Luke! YES.
2. Rachael's bonfire shindig
3. NYC to visit Deb
4. Montreal and LBI with Anna

Not tewwww shabby, eh readers?

Despite this flux of goodness, there are still times when I feel out of place and unprepared.
In any event... I'm sure it only adds to my charm.

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. That's an entire episode of America's Most Wanted.

2009-04-15T02:08:35Z

I just want this semester to be over so I can stop living a life of FEAR ALREADY!